Never a shortage of Hot Ghetto Mess

A dear reader of mine enjoyed my last two posts so much that she asked me to do another. At first, I thought, "Ehh...I already did it twice in a row...should I really jump into making a third?" Then I thought..."Ehh..if people don't like it, they don't have to read it. Ain't choice grand?" So...here it is! But after this, I will do my best to write more substantial blogs...then get back to the ripping :) So, without further ado...Hot Ghetto Mess part Three!
Is this a joke? It better be! The dress is fugly enough as it is, but the man with the palm tree hair ain't working it. If he is a transvestive, fine, whatever, doesn't hurt my life. But that hair...I can't get past the hair. Only this guy can pull it off:



Completely uncalled for. See, this picture would have been acceptable if she hadn't exposed her ass scabies to the entire world! And she's rubbing her hand all over them, too! Boys: watch out for this one...if she starts offering half-price for handjobs, then you're in serious trouble!


Broke ass Bell-Biv-Devoe. If this is for a prom, I can only imagine their mothers clutching their chests in horror upon receiving these photos. Any woman who finds this cute is a damn bimbo. Cheap scotch and Monopoly money don't make you cool...they make you look like a stupid hot mess. The guy on the left looks like he's pinching a hot, buttery loaf. The one in the middle is probably thinking about using his ill-gotten money for some chapstick and lotion. And the one on the right looks like a dumbass Flava Flav. Mmm-mm. I'm not impressed, boys. When you are in your caps and gowns and holding that diploma or degree, then I'll be impressed. Not your cheap polyester suits.


The caption says it all...I don't know what possessed you to pull up your shirts and expose your swollen uterine-puppy casings to the world. You just wait until that baby is waking you up at all hours, costing you your money, time, and education, and generally driving you crazy...bet your smirk asses won't be smiling then. Oh, and let's not forget the bodies...you can kiss your youthful figures Sayonara, Adios, Au Revoir, and GOODBYE. Sucks for you...see you in 15 years when I'll still be childfree :)


Now, see...if she would just take those cheap, 50-cents-at-the-flea-market beads out of her mouth, she'd have all of her teeth!


Hmmm...nothing like the raw, parasite-infested innards of dead pigs to cover your shame. Best of luck, honey. Here's hoping that you don't get worms.


Three words: HELL FUCKING NO. This is why my tats are in places where they can easily be hidden. This is easy birth control: just think of your dear, nekkid granny if you need to abstain from the bouncy-bouncy for a while. Because this just about ruined all my glorious fantasies.


That underwear is just straight disgusting. It looks like your fat busted the seams. Nice work on the housekeeping, though. I better not see any Steak-Umm grease or Kool-Aid stains on the floor in the future.


Ewwwhewww!!! Last time I checked, Kimora Lee didn't need you to advertise her product on your ass. And what the hell are those supposed to be? Rotten strawberries? And right near your fart-hole, too, which needs a serious de-bumping. And I don't even think I want to know what that red string is for. I have to wonder if this individual was able to sit after this abomination was completed. Was it worth it? I say no.


No, madam. This does not pass the cute test. For one thing...you're ugly. Sorry, I'd hate to be the one to break it to you, but I could slice a ham on your face. Second...use your curves to your advantage. You just look sad and pudgy. Third: in front of a child? I guess nothing is sacred anymore. Now get the hell off the hood before you dent the engine.


"I'm a maaaaaannnn.....without conviction...." Yet. Dude...at least have the fortitude to have matching undies. And what's with the double navel?


And that'll do for now :) Off to bed I go. Ciao ciao!

Hot Ghetto Mess! (deux)

You know, I really enjoyed my last post. I enjoyed it so much that I think I'll do another! *apologies in advance for any repeats* They're trrrrrrrrrrippin! And just what in the name of twinkly turds is so great about a piece of oversized jewelry that resembles some overrated cereal? But then again, I can't blame the fellow. His mismanagement of his money has only allowed him to achieve bootleg CDs. Come on, my brother. All the cool musicians hustle by offering a free MP3 or two. And shave that shit off your head. Nobody likes Kid N Play anymore. What would your grandmama say? Man your stations, mateys, it's Moby Whip! Ohhhh, my sister. That is just all kinds of different shades of nasty. Your pussy looks like it's oozing AIDS. And you missed SEVERAL sections on your Monstitties (Monster Titties). And I won't even get started on the blindfold, satin cap, and the rubber husband in the background. I can only hope that you were not aware that you were having your photo taken, and if that is the case, then I truly feel for you. But...I am going to be an asshole and assume that it is not the case! :) Thanks to you, you have ruined Reddi Whip for me for the rest of my sweets-loving life. I hope your waterbed-looking ass is happy! You know, this could be an interesting trend...tops that go OVER the titties! Ingenious! Sweetheart, I have a huge rack, as well, and I assure you, they do make fashionable clothes in our size. Quit lying to yourself. You are not a junior. You are large. Large Marge, almost. And just what is this? Did the Bat-Ass get hungry and eat your panties? Not cute, my dear. Not cute at ALL! Okay, maybe my readers can help me out: what the fuck is going on in this pic?? I'm just going to go on what I can see: Numero uno - this is clearly a Wal-Mart photo. The quality is just dull. And I wouldn't expect anything more from backwater mutants like these. The young lady on the right looks relatively normal, so I will leave her be. But not YOU, fist-man and fish-face! Put that goddamned fist down, you look like a fool and a quarter. And you look too damned old for those funky braids; no respectable person has liked Milli Vanilli for almost 20 years. And to the wildebeest on the left...a prime example of why I have never colored my hair. Do you want to be a brunette or a blonde? Pick one, not both! And your pose looks like you're proudly holding your benefit check from Uncle Sam. Ewww...I can seriously smell the dog pee through the screen. NEXT! Absolutely, positively no excuse. Come on, people. You know better than to let a rabid skunk out on the loose. Bad, stank things can happen. Don't let it happen again. Could this be the newest inspiration for a "Raggely Andy" doll? I respect the creativity, but dude...really...less is more. Your head looks like a volcano. 1. I wish that I didn't have to look at your speckled moobs. 2. I wish that you would return Mr. T's gold. He's fucking pissed. 3. I wish that you didn't look like you were holding in the Mother of All Farts. Done, done, and done. Now kindly get back in your magic lamp. It's Technicolor Fo-Punzel! Who knew that you could take some cotton candy and make a stylish hairstyle? Oh, the possibilities of this world! Oh, come on, you guys, what did you expect? Surely she couldn't be bothered to wear matching undies and clean her surroundings before taking a slutty picture. Did you really expect her to flush that Herculean turd down the toilet, or at least close the lid? And it's a pretty safe bet that she did not wash her hands. As someone else so eloquently pointed out: "Dat's just narrrrsty!" And I am inclined to agree. Go wash your ass, honey. And get a fucking education while you're still pretty. *cue coyote howl* I don't know what to make of this. I don't know if this is a man or a woman. All I know is that this is BEASTLY. Almost looks like Peter Griffin in drag. This is what happens when you try to blow up a treasure troll with dynamite. Not even adorable. Not in the least. Look, you brat: babies aren't dolls. Buy her a car seat/stroller or give her up for adoption. And clean your funky room, don't you have any home training? Chucky??? BWAHAHAHA! Who gives a shit about Chucky anymore? His last 2 movies were boring pieces of crap! And who knew that a homicidal doll would be the inspiration for a romantic, memorable prom night? (Or whatever event this is) And it's airbrushed, too! I always see that crap at low-rent mall kiosks. Ooh, what's that? Do I hear a bird? I do! Cheap! Cheap! Cheap! You people don't need any warnings. My beautiful, delicious Indian meal was ruined, too! I won't be the only one who suffers! Anyway...this is just disgusting. The curves themselves are fine; curvy women are beautiful. Then she had to go and taint her beauty with this crap! Now she looks trashy. I can only imagine this woman in her senior years when she receives a routine physical. Then again, seniors got the funk, too! NGAAAAHHHH!! My eyes! No! This is someone's mama! Someone's grandmama, maybe! Hell no! No, make that: HELL NAWL!! Super cute lingerie, but wrong body. Wrong face. Wrong pose. Wrong age. Wrong EVERYTHING!!! And is that a box of Luvs that I see, next to that dirty diaper? You really think that baby wants to remember his grandma as an old slag with ashy knees, yeast infection, and a nasty house? Foul. And do something about your bell-shaped hair, it's unflattering. Boy...no. Now, see, this is what happens when you hock your mama's good candy dish. This is all kinds of ridiculous. Don't even try to flaunt what you don't have, honey. You are minus an ass. And what's with the ponytail? It's not 1990, and you're not Debbie Gibson.

Oh, those poor baby feet! These, my friends, are Lankles. Not even cankles...lankles. Legs connected to (or, in this case, covering up) ankles.

The hell you say! You're white...and a boy?! Damn! You know, I am truly shocked. I couldn't tell just by looking at you. I thought that maybe you were a very light-skinned Ethiopian or a very ugly bitch. But now this awe-inspiring tattoo just totally spells it out for me! Thank you, young man, for your wonderful impact on society by pointing out the blindingly obvious. Enjoy getting beer bottles thrown at you.

American laziness at its finest. That child is too damn old for Pampers. And just where the hell are the child's clothes? We need a permit to sell hot dogs on the street, but morons like this can pop out kids willy nilly? We. Are. Doomed.

I need my belt. Because these girls' mamas aren't doing a thing. No good parent would let their child go out in public like this! I guess some people enjoy being stank and getting laughed at. Which is great, because I'm having a damn good time laughing at them!

Girl, get your ridiculous ass off that pole. Never mind the fact that you have no form or grace; you are a lily, and you're ridiculously young. You're just asking for it, being in a public park with a lake...just saying.

RIP: Your Self Respect. You really couldn't do any better, ladies? Why would you want a threesome with him? He's fucking crusty as hell! And not only is it bad enough with a baby on the bed, but who's mama is that?? Waiting her turn, is she? This is just unbelievably nasty. But rest assured, I will be seeing you all on Maury soon, with popcorn in hand. Can't wait!

*cue Tarzan yell*
So wrong. Look at the rust on the pole from years of rancid pussy juice! And the ashy, ape-like feet! Not sexy. The only thing cute in this photo is the swimsuit...well, it would be cute if it wasn't drenched with ass sweat and stank juice.

One word: IKEA. It's not expensive, friends. Oh, but wait...you'd have to assemble the table yourself. Lord forbid you actually have to do some work! Never mind...


And that's it for now! Be on the lookout, I just may in the mood to do Part Three :)

A Hot Ghetto Mess!

I love Hot Ghetto Mess! And in case you forgot, I am a woman of color. In fact, I am of mixed ancestry. And no, I do not find that this site condones negative stereotypes about African-Americans. The pictures clearly speak for themselves. I say that if you're stupid enough to act like a fool, and worse yet, have your photo taken, then you should realize how much the world finds that humorous. We are not laughing with you, honey, we are laughing AT you.

The following are some of my favorite pics from that site, with my own personal commentary. If you don't like it, then skip your merry derriere to Utopialand, because I don't buckle to PC thugs. For the rest of you, enjoy!


Hell no. Hell. Ass. No. Girlfriend...if you're going to be wearing a short skirt and a thong, then for Chrissake, trim that bush! No, scratch that. You need to weed that shit. You need to pluck, ho, saw, mow, and scorch the earth. That is just unattractive. And don't get me started on the rest of the outfit. I feel nauseous just looking at her! Ugh...wax it, please, for the good of our stomachs.

Brother man...hats are NOT that expensive! Look at that smug look; thinking he looks cool. Uh....*BUZZ* wrong! Shave that shit off, you look like a broke Kid N Play.

The neighborhood skripper to entertain the boys and girls! Or is this a field trip to warn the boys and girls on the schoolbus about what will happen to them if they don't graduate? Now, don't get me wrong, there is no shame in being an exotic dancer. But there is clearly a time and a place, and this is neither. Besides, look at her! She looks like a mule in heat! No wonder the clubs are so dark! Honeychild, you're not cute. Take your flea market panties and GTFOH.

I pray to FSM that this is not for a high school prom. Because if it is...then this is a damn shame. Poor little bugger. Neither she nor her not-da-daddy look the least bit amused. Although I have to admit, the dresses are cute. But not his suit! He looks like his chest was wrapped in Bubble Tape.

Lawd have mercy on my nonexistant soul! Okay...this is wrong for so many reasons. Tacky ass furniture. Ugly ass horse hair. Body that is clearly not toned. Ugly wine glasses. Cheap wine. Ashy skin. And those PJs? No hoooooo sir! I am NOT the one!

Hold up. Hold UP! Don't neighborhoods, or even towns, have community pools? Swimming holes? Retention ponds?! Come on, boys! You can get one of those baby pools from Wal-Mart at a reasonable price. Or even run through the sprinklers, or have daddy spray the hose at you. Plus, that water looks nasty. Either someone didn't clean the boat beforehand or someone took a healthy shit afterward. Get your asses to the local Y and do some real swimming!

Oh wow. I am in complete awe of you. I wonder if your mama knows that you took $17 out of her purse to take this useless picture. Take that money and get yourself some lotion...lotion is gangsta, dontchaknow.

It simply does not get any funnier than this. Poor woman...her fat's got extra fat! And that bikini top? No, ma'am. Top it off with that expression (you just know that she's being loud), and whatever Fruit Punch/Sprite/Sweet Tea is in that Hardee's cup...and this pic is just a pure classic! Baby, BBWs can be sexy and classy. You are neither. But you're damn funny, though!

Young lady...seriously. If you're going to take a stank ass picture for your man in jail, then you could at least change your stank ass drawers. Really. Your expression looks like you're pinching a hot, buttery loaf right now! Ew...I can almost smell you through the screen. Wipe and wash your ass, my dear, wipe and wash.

This has to be a Halloween costume. It has to be. He's going as a package of Starburst candy. Wait...what? It's not a costume, but a prom outfit? Oh, my brother. Prepare to be tormented for all eternity for your poor fashion sense.

Can't totally hate on this one. At least they don't have their goodies hanging out. But you can tell that this dude is totally whipped. Either that or he's in for some superb poonaner. His face kind of looks like Pooh a little bit, doesn't it?

Purple Rain!!!


Go, Go, Ghetto Rangers! I don't think that I've ever seen uglier formal outfits...if you can call them that. They look like they were wrapped in holiday tin foil then sent out. Just...no.

"Now the world don't move to the beat of just one drum...what might be right for you...may not be right for some..." Heh...a pun with a double meaning, damn I'm good. I admit, the dress on the young lady is cute. What? It is! But the wannabe Gary Coleman could have done better.

Beware....beware of the Can of Busted Biscuits! After its ass has finished eating the panties, it will come after you and eat your children! Run!

"Girl you know it's true...." And that's all I have to say about THIS.

Biggie Smalls has risen from the dead! And he's going in drag under the pseudonym "Orangina"!

Sweetie...I know that we all have our problems, but please conquer your toilet training before going out on your own. I know it's hard, possibly even harder than the 9th grade that you couldn't have possibly gotten through, but I know that you can do it.

My darling...did your self-respect go to jail along with this young man? Nothing less classy than ryde-or-die chicks. Sorry, boys...you fuck up your life, you're not gonna fuck up mine. You are on your OWN.

Hell no. Somebody made this. Somebody was proud of this. Can you imagine? "Cut me a slice of overstretched pussy, please?" No...just no. Smear that frosting, then it will look appetizing.

Ho Ho....HO. This is the most ridiculous shit I have ever seen. Then again, I suppose she could make visits to homes that do not have Xmas trees.

Dirty. Dirty, stank, and foul. Her breath will be smelling like corns and fungus for months. Have some class, bitch!

AHA! About time that insipid Chick-Fil-A cow got justice for his crimes against humanity! Take that, you motherfucker!

Don't fear him, children. He's like the Mr. Burns alien...he brings you love.

If this isn't the nastiest.....UGH! I honestly have nothing. You all can make your own comments for this one.

See, my friends? Men love Fanta, too!

Angelpie, if you're going to let thoughtless men take crotch shots, wear a tampon! Or at least wait until the crimson tide is over! And are those hospital bands? Brother, no.

Greasy, greasier, greasiest. I hope that the one in the chair doesn't fart!

Poor dear. I think I see a french fry in there somewhere...

Boyfriend...you are not Divine. Quit trying. Just because you have moobs doesn't mean that the swimsuit flatters you. You do look like a lot of fun to be around, though.

Yeah...the bald guy is hotter.

This is what happens when you defy mother nature. Respect your body, ladies, or this could be you! If you ain't got 'em, stuff the bras. At least you'll still be hot when you're older.

Congratulations. You just branded yourself as an unemployable loser for the rest of your life. Stupid ho.

This is nothing but a gorilla in tight jeans.


And that's all for now, friends :) Did you enjoy the laugh? I sure did!