They're trrrrrrrrrrippin! And just what in the name of twinkly turds is so great about a piece of oversized jewelry that resembles some overrated cereal? But then again, I can't blame the fellow. His mismanagement of his money has only allowed him to achieve bootleg CDs. Come on, my brother. All the cool musicians hustle by offering a free MP3 or two. And shave that shit off your head. Nobody likes Kid N Play anymore. What would your grandmama say? 
Man your stations, mateys, it's Moby Whip! Ohhhh, my sister. That is just all kinds of different shades of nasty. Your pussy looks like it's oozing AIDS. And you missed SEVERAL sections on your Monstitties (Monster Titties). And I won't even get started on the blindfold, satin cap, and the rubber husband in the background. I can only hope that you were not aware that you were having your photo taken, and if that is the case, then I truly feel for you. But...I am going to be an asshole and assume that it is not the case! :) Thanks to you, you have ruined Reddi Whip for me for the rest of my sweets-loving life. I hope your waterbed-looking ass is happy! 
You know, this could be an interesting trend...tops that go OVER the titties! Ingenious! Sweetheart, I have a huge rack, as well, and I assure you, they do make fashionable clothes in our size. Quit lying to yourself. You are not a junior. You are large. Large Marge, almost. 
And just what is this? Did the Bat-Ass get hungry and eat your panties? Not cute, my dear. Not cute at ALL! 
Okay, maybe my readers can help me out: what the fuck is going on in this pic?? I'm just going to go on what I can see: Numero uno - this is clearly a Wal-Mart photo. The quality is just dull. And I wouldn't expect anything more from backwater mutants like these. The young lady on the right looks relatively normal, so I will leave her be. But not YOU, fist-man and fish-face! Put that goddamned fist down, you look like a fool and a quarter. And you look too damned old for those funky braids; no respectable person has liked Milli Vanilli for almost 20 years. And to the wildebeest on the left...a prime example of why I have never colored my hair. Do you want to be a brunette or a blonde? Pick one, not both! And your pose looks like you're proudly holding your benefit check from Uncle Sam. Ewww...I can seriously smell the dog pee through the screen. NEXT! 
Absolutely, positively no excuse. Come on, people. You know better than to let a rabid skunk out on the loose. Bad, stank things can happen. Don't let it happen again. 
Could this be the newest inspiration for a "Raggely Andy" doll? I respect the creativity, but dude...really...less is more. Your head looks like a volcano. 
1. I wish that I didn't have to look at your speckled moobs. 2. I wish that you would return Mr. T's gold. He's fucking pissed. 3. I wish that you didn't look like you were holding in the Mother of All Farts. Done, done, and done. Now kindly get back in your magic lamp. 
It's Technicolor Fo-Punzel! Who knew that you could take some cotton candy and make a stylish hairstyle? Oh, the possibilities of this world! 
Oh, come on, you guys, what did you expect? Surely she couldn't be bothered to wear matching undies and clean her surroundings before taking a slutty picture. Did you really expect her to flush that Herculean turd down the toilet, or at least close the lid? And it's a pretty safe bet that she did not wash her hands. As someone else so eloquently pointed out: "Dat's just narrrrsty!" And I am inclined to agree. Go wash your ass, honey. And get a fucking education while you're still pretty. 
*cue coyote howl* I don't know what to make of this. I don't know if this is a man or a woman. All I know is that this is BEASTLY. Almost looks like Peter Griffin in drag. 
This is what happens when you try to blow up a treasure troll with dynamite. 
Not even adorable. Not in the least. Look, you brat: babies aren't dolls. Buy her a car seat/stroller or give her up for adoption. And clean your funky room, don't you have any home training? 
Chucky??? BWAHAHAHA! Who gives a shit about Chucky anymore? His last 2 movies were boring pieces of crap! And who knew that a homicidal doll would be the inspiration for a romantic, memorable prom night? (Or whatever event this is) And it's airbrushed, too! I always see that crap at low-rent mall kiosks. Ooh, what's that? Do I hear a bird? I do! Cheap! Cheap! Cheap! 
You people don't need any warnings. My beautiful, delicious Indian meal was ruined, too! I won't be the only one who suffers! Anyway...this is just disgusting. The curves themselves are fine; curvy women are beautiful. Then she had to go and taint her beauty with this crap! Now she looks trashy. I can only imagine this woman in her senior years when she receives a routine physical. Then again, seniors got the funk, too! 
NGAAAAHHHH!! My eyes! No! This is someone's mama! Someone's grandmama, maybe! Hell no! No, make that: HELL NAWL!! Super cute lingerie, but wrong body. Wrong face. Wrong pose. Wrong age. Wrong EVERYTHING!!! And is that a box of Luvs that I see, next to that dirty diaper? You really think that baby wants to remember his grandma as an old slag with ashy knees, yeast infection, and a nasty house? Foul. And do something about your bell-shaped hair, it's unflattering. 
Boy...no. Now, see, this is what happens when you hock your mama's good candy dish. This is all kinds of ridiculous. 
Don't even try to flaunt what you don't have, honey. You are minus an ass. And what's with the ponytail? It's not 1990, and you're not Debbie Gibson.
Oh, those poor baby feet! These, my friends, are Lankles. Not even cankles...lankles. Legs connected to (or, in this case, covering up) ankles.
The hell you say! You're white...and a boy?! Damn! You know, I am truly shocked. I couldn't tell just by looking at you. I thought that maybe you were a very light-skinned Ethiopian or a very ugly bitch. But now this awe-inspiring tattoo just totally spells it out for me! Thank you, young man, for your wonderful impact on society by pointing out the blindingly obvious. Enjoy getting beer bottles thrown at you.
American laziness at its finest. That child is too damn old for Pampers. And just where the hell are the child's clothes? We need a permit to sell hot dogs on the street, but morons like this can pop out kids willy nilly? We. Are. Doomed.
I need my belt. Because these girls' mamas aren't doing a thing. No good parent would let their child go out in public like this! I guess some people enjoy being stank and getting laughed at. Which is great, because I'm having a damn good time laughing at them!
Girl, get your ridiculous ass off that pole. Never mind the fact that you have no form or grace; you are a lily, and you're ridiculously young. You're just asking for it, being in a public park with a lake...just saying.
RIP: Your Self Respect. You really couldn't do any better, ladies? Why would you want a threesome with him? He's fucking crusty as hell! And not only is it bad enough with a baby on the bed, but who's mama is that?? Waiting her turn, is she? This is just unbelievably nasty. But rest assured, I will be seeing you all on Maury soon, with popcorn in hand. Can't wait!
*cue Tarzan yell*So wrong. Look at the rust on the pole from years of rancid pussy juice! And the ashy, ape-like feet! Not sexy. The only thing cute in this photo is the swimsuit...well, it would be cute if it wasn't drenched with ass sweat and stank juice.
One word: IKEA. It's not expensive, friends. Oh, but wait...you'd have to assemble the table yourself. Lord forbid you actually have to do some work! Never mind...And that's it for now! Be on the lookout, I just may in the mood to do Part Three :)
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