I love children.

Oh, buttersnarts.

I am so very sorry, my readers. Due to a glitch in my twisted little mind, I neglected to add some key information in my title that could change your expectations dramatically. Have I gone the way of the status quo? Do I want more than anything to be friends with mommies and blossom in the love of a child of my own?








Fuck no!

You see, my friends, what I meant to say was not "I love children." Jesus Ponyfucking Christ, no! What I meant to say was.... "I love to scare children."

Yeah, that's right. I cannot think of a greater pleasure than putting on my fabulous Halloween mask, driving around in my car, and frightening the children (hell, even some adults) in my neighborhood. My friend and I used to do it all the time back home...I'd drive, she'd wear the mask and scream, and the tears would come roooooooolling! I think I lost a good 10 pounds from all the laughing I did; it was great! And...we even accidentally startled someone so much, we made her drop her groceries! Of course, she gave us the finger, but it was worth it!!!

Who says Halloween can't be year-round, huh?

And no, morons, I am not out to kidnap or do anything physically harmful to your little Cody or Madysen or Cayden or Ashlynn. I don't like kids, and I barely want anything to do with them. However, getting a great reaction out of them over something like this is great!

I mean, really. If you really wanted to scare kids, why not show them a mask of this?

Let the unabashed hate mail begin! I look forward to your ignorance :)

Radio Shack can eat a big, fat one.

Dear Radio Shack:

I hate you from the bottom of my black little soul.

Very Sincerely,

The Social Deviant

Radio Shack is, in my humble opinion, one of the worst stores I have ever encountered. Not only is their merchandise lame, but their employees are rude and desperate. Here are a few examples:

*I'm in a Radio Shack in Norfolk, VA purchasing a pay-as-you-go phone. At this time, I was a starving student, unemployed, and it would not have been financially wise of me to get into a contract without the means to hold up my end of the bargain. As I go to make my purchase, the clerk asks me if I am interested in a plan with Sprint (oh, don't even get me started on Sprint!). I say, "No, thank you, now is not a good time." "Why?" "Well..." I start to explain, wondering why this is any of his business, "I don't qualify for a plan right now. This phone right here will be just fine." The clerk proceeds to chuckle at this reply, adding, "You'll be fine. Even Mexicans can get a plan with Sprint." I am not Mexican, but I was pretty damn offended by his words. I leave and decide to get my phone elsewhere.

*I'm in a Radio Shack in Jacksonville, FL, because I had just moved from Norfolk, and after driving through 3 states, I realize that I left my cell phone charger at home. Nuts. So, I go inside the store, and wait a good 20 minutes to be seen, as the sales clerk is virtually jizzing all over the customer in front of me because he apparently signed a huge cell-phone contract. When it's my turn to be seen, the clerk is friendly with me until I show him my phone and ask, "I lost my cell phone charger, and I was wondering if I could have a replacement?" The clerk looks at my phone with disgust and says, derisively, "What kind of phone is that?" Taken aback, I stammer, "Umm...well....it's a Kyocera." The clerk scoffs and says, "You know, we have great cell phone plans here." "No, thank you," I say, "I just need a cell phone charger." "The monthly costs of these plans are about the same as what you are paying for your PAYG right now." "No thank you," I repeat through gritted teeth, "I can't have a plan right now." "Why?" the clerk asks rudely. Now I get pissed. "You wanna know why? Well, I just moved to this state tonight, I don't have a job, and I'm getting a divorce. That's why!" I, being the naive jerk that I was, thought that this sob story would get him to back off. But no. Instead, he says, "Well, you'd better get this plan now, before the divorce ruins your credit." At this point, I would have told him to go fuck himself and leave, but...I needed a charger. So I just say, "Just get me my charger." And, as expected, he wasn't nearly as friendly to me as he was to the gentleman who got him his commission. He simply got the charger, rang it up, and handed it to me. No "thank you," no "have a nice night," no nothing. So I snatched the charger from him and stormed out.

*I'm in a Radio Shack in Melbourne, FL with my boyfriend because we were too bored to do anything else, ha ha ha. My current cell phone (with a plan that I did not receive from Radio Shack) is kind of lame, so I decided to see which new, nifty phones were available. I had no intention of buying a phone right there and then, but perhaps later in the future. No sooner than 3 seconds since I walk through the door, a sales clerk gets in my face: "Welcome to Radio Shack, is there anything I can help you find?" "No, thanks," I say. "Well, let me know if you need help." "Thank you," I say. Two minutes later, another clerk gets in my face, "Hi, do you need any help?" "No, thanks," I say. "Are you interested in a plan?" the clerk asks as he follows me around the store. "No," I say, slightly loudly. "You need batteries?" "No, thank you," I say sternly, "I appreciate your help, but I will let you know if I need it." The clerk moves on to the next unsuspecting victim. I try to hide in a relatively secluded area of the store (read: jumbo universal remotes and outdated CB radios) with my boyfriend, just to escape the employees. 30 seconds later, the manager gets in our faces: "You folks need some help picking out a radio?" "No! No, goddammit!! Jesus Farting Christ, if you need the commission that badly, why don't you go dry hump your mom?!" No...I did not say this, although I kind of wish I did, haha. Instead of replying, boyfriend and I run as fast as we can out of the store. Even he was exasperated by the constant bothering. So much so that we have a running joke: every time we pass a Radio Shack we get in each other's faces and ask, "Can I help you find something?" "You need a new cell phone?" We do this until one of us pretends to get fed up and pretends to choke the other, lol!

So that's pretty much it. As big-box is Best Buy is, their selection is a million times better, and their service is great. I'm hoping that it won't go the way of Circuit City (which is also decent). Patronize them, as well as locally-owned businesses. Fuck Radio Shack. The end.

Customer Service

What can I say? It sucks these days.

Usually, I'm pretty indifferent toward, well, indifferent service. Maybe I'm used to it. But there are times when the staff is just incompetent, lazy, rude, or all three. Take today, for example:

I went to a certain department store (who shall remain nameless) to make a return. Well, I went straight to the customer service desk, where returns are usually dealt with. Well, I got to my designated spot in line, smiled and waited patiently. One woman was already busy with another customer. Fine. Another woman fiddled with her stapler, chatted with another coworker on the side, and basically waddled her ass around, pretty much ignoring me all the while. No: "Do you need some help, ma'am?" No: "I'll be right with you." I got nothing. After 7 minutes, I decide to write down the number of the district manager when this woman looks up and smiles at me. Only 2 seconds later do I realize that she is not smiling at me, but rather, at two other women who decide to go straight to the customer service desk, where they are promptly helped with friendliness. After about 10 minutes, when this woman finishes up, does she help me? Nope. She continues to flutter around, doing nothing. At that point, I got pissed. I put the number of the district manager on my phone and proceeded to leave, when the other cashier, who had just finished up her business with her customer, asked if she could help me. I said, "I have been waiting for a while, and she let them cut in front of me." Now the woman decides to speak to me! She says, quite curtly, "They had to go to another part of the store and find something for me to fix. They were already here." Whatever, asshole. I tell the friendly cashier, "I need to make a return." The cashier tells me, "I'm sorry, we're no longer doing returns right now." Now I'm really pissed. I practically yell, "Just forget it!" And I storm out, reaming out the district manager on the phone all the while.

This is my philosophy: you have a job to do, and it is your responsibility to do that job. If you don't like it, find something else or suck it the hell up. We all had to do it, you're no different.

And to my fellow customers: if you don't like the way a business is treating you (and how it takes your hard-earned money for granted), take action! Let the higher-ups know how you feel! Contact the managers, write onion letters (which detail poor experiences) to the corporate offices, and quit wasting your time and money there. And, if you have to, warn your friends and loved ones about the shitty experiences you've had there! Don't be discouraged about big businesses, either. Without the customer loyalty, any business is doomed! I mean, look at Burger King! They used to be great, now they've turned to pure vomitrocious shit! Look, the point is, if you hate the way that you and your money are being treated, and you continue to go to the same place over and over and over again, and if their customer service methods haven't changed, you are partly to blame for keeping them alive. A business with a strong desire to stay in business will do anything to keep you happy. And any business who could care less, well, they'll just have to deal with the consequences.

If, on the other hand, you've had a great experience somewhere, again, let them know! Commend the employee, the managers, and the corporate offices. Write orchid letters (letters that detail great experiences). Recommend the place of business to your family and friends. Businesses love customer loyalty. So much, in fact, that many of them will offer you special perks like discounts, coupons, freebies, and some will even let you know about new merchandise, specials, et al. before most of the general public. Encourage these businesses to keep up the good work by continuing your support and loyalty.

Use your money wisely. End rant.

Your Kids are not Special

Nor are they cute, precious, or funny. And damned if I'm going to revere something that simply runs around and screams all the time. I'll save my respect for those who have earned it.

I think this guy gets it ---> Click here!