I love children.

Oh, buttersnarts.

I am so very sorry, my readers. Due to a glitch in my twisted little mind, I neglected to add some key information in my title that could change your expectations dramatically. Have I gone the way of the status quo? Do I want more than anything to be friends with mommies and blossom in the love of a child of my own?








Fuck no!

You see, my friends, what I meant to say was not "I love children." Jesus Ponyfucking Christ, no! What I meant to say was.... "I love to scare children."

Yeah, that's right. I cannot think of a greater pleasure than putting on my fabulous Halloween mask, driving around in my car, and frightening the children (hell, even some adults) in my neighborhood. My friend and I used to do it all the time back home...I'd drive, she'd wear the mask and scream, and the tears would come roooooooolling! I think I lost a good 10 pounds from all the laughing I did; it was great! And...we even accidentally startled someone so much, we made her drop her groceries! Of course, she gave us the finger, but it was worth it!!!

Who says Halloween can't be year-round, huh?

And no, morons, I am not out to kidnap or do anything physically harmful to your little Cody or Madysen or Cayden or Ashlynn. I don't like kids, and I barely want anything to do with them. However, getting a great reaction out of them over something like this is great!

I mean, really. If you really wanted to scare kids, why not show them a mask of this?

Let the unabashed hate mail begin! I look forward to your ignorance :)