You fail at advertising

That's right, I said it! This advertising icon right here is a hypocritical monster. But not for the reasons that you think. Sure, Mr. Cow thinks he's being soooooo cute with his horrible spelling and his intentional diversion from America's beloved hamburgers to delicious chicken. Oh, wait, I'm sorry...I mean "deelishus chikin." Much more appropriate, I'd say. BUT...Mr. Cow ain't so innocent!

Ugh...before I go on, I have to say something: "Mr. Cow" is a misnomer. Cows are not male, they are female. I think the brains of CFA advertising are looking for the term "Bull." But I suppose "cow" is so much more pleasant than "bull." What is so wrong with "Ms. Cow?" Put a fucking bonnet and a wreath of posies around her neck and everyone's happy! Well...maybe just me. All right, you got me...I wouldn't be happy, just mildly satisfied.

Perhaps Mr. Cow doesn't realize (or maybe he doesn't care) that while CFA does not use beef products, they do use dairy products. That includes milk, ice cream, milkshakes, some of their sauces and dressings, and even the coating used to cook the chicken he promotes. CFA even has the nerve to promote milk as a healthy alternative to soft drinks (which aren't healthy either, but everyone knows that!), claiming "growing food for growing minds." Growing minds? I don't think so. If any of you are wondering what my beef is with dairy (pun intended), then just click here. I'm sure you'll find all the information you need.

Also, why does The Cow get all the glory? CFA also sells pork! Not only with their club sandwich (which has bacon), but also with their sausages and bacon served during breakfast. Why not have a Mr. Pig? (At least the name would be more accurate) He could join Mr. Cow on their ineffective crusade to spare their lives to eat their other barnyard buddies, the chickens, instead. So chickadees, watch your asses! Never, ever befriend a cow! Especially dyslexic cows who don't realize (or don't care) that their own family members are suffering for "deelishus" ranch dressing, milkshakes, and hand-breaded "chikin."

And there you have it. Mr. Cow, I sincerely and wholeheartedly dedicate this to you:

***disclaimer: Yes, I have made the switch back to vegetarianism, working on veganism. And yes, I am an advocate of choice. If you choose to drink milk, eat eggs, enjoy a hamburger, or throw chicken nuggets at the dorky CFA manager, that is your choice, and I respect that. Those are just choices I choose not to make for myself (besides, tossing mustard packets at the manager is more fun). Do not take this post as my hatred for omnivores; it is not. It is simply an observation of a ridiculous, unresearched advertising campaign of an otherwise fine eating establishment. Simple as that. But don't knock tempeh until you try it! Delicious. Yes, I am now allowed to spell "delicious" correctly, for I am actually talking about real whole food. Okay, end disclaimer. Take this information and use it wisely, my children. Never trust dyslexic cows!