For the love of buttfloss, GET LOST!

Cripes on a crotchulent crumb cracker! It's been a while since I've updated, huh? Much apologies!

Now, let's see, what can I bitch about now?

I think I'll make a little wish list...people who should disappear (at least temporarily).

I swear, I can't turn on my TV or my computer without hearing about all this celebricrap. Why? The only people who are interested in this shit are sorority sluts and breeders, and neither of these societal drains matter.

So now, in the futile hopes that the mainstream media will listen to me (ha!), here is my list of people who should disappear (at least until we hear that one of their kids is gay and/or on methodone):

1. Angelina Jolie

I loved, admired, and adored this woman when she performed magnificently in the film Girl, Interrupted. Unfortunately, since she hooked up with Brad Pitt, it's been "Brangelina" this, and "Ambassador" that. Don't get me wrong, I think what she is doing for her adopted children is wonderful, as well as her humanitarian work. Even if her donations are only a small piece of her pie, that money is still worth a great deal to those who need it. But come on, Angie, it's not necessary to steal someone else's husband and whore your kids keep yourself in the headlines. Please give us another amazing performance, we miss you!

2. Will Smith

This cat was a lot of fun on The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. Goofy, yet smart. He ragged on his cousin Carlton and his Uncle Phil mercilessly, but he genuinely cared for them. And he and DJ Jazzy Jeff made quite the pair. And then...movie stardom got to his head. I remember reading that he would not use curse words in his songs, to honor a request from his grandmother. I am totally okay with that, I respect everyone's personal beliefs as long as they don't interfere with my life. What I am not okay with is inconsistency. Sure, wholesome Will Smith won't swear in his albums, but he has no problem swearing in his movies. I mean, really. Every filmmaker wants this guy; he's money in the bank. You'd think that the producers and directors would accommodate Will's request to tone down the swearing in his films, but---to my knowledge, Will never made any such request while filming any movie. Not that I have a problem if he swears in his movies; I've got quite the sailor mouth myself. But don't say one thing and do another. To intelligent humans, that's not cool. If Alicia Silverstone can convince the crew on her short-lived TV show to make her character vegan, surely Will can make a few adjustments. And I'd have no problem if he temporarily went back to his silly roots, graffiti on the walls and all. You're never too old to be goofy :)

3. Tila Tequila

You know, I think I may be wrong about this young lady. She needn't disappear temporarily. No. Instead, she should be smashed with hammers and be strapped to a rocket sent to the Sun. She's that vile. So she's a bisexual. OoooohoooooHOOOO! Big motherfucking DEAL! As if no other person in this entire world isn't a bisexual! This chica smokes a little cock and munches a little hair pie, and she's deserving of our attention and money? Fuck that! I'll save my attention for a lesbian who has earned my respect, like Rachel Maddow. Honey, if you're reading this: looks and vaginas will only get you so far. They will fade, and they will shrivel. That's the way life goes. Looks are nice, but intelligence and personality are the traits that will win people over. Your fans may not realize it now, but they will when they discover that when they realize they're bagging the groceries of the successful ladies they ignored or picked on in their heyday. So sweetheart, do the thinking world a favor and prance off a cliff. (Nice tats, though...except for the guns)

4. Brooke Hogan

Brooke "Ho"gan is right! For those of you who have not had the displeasure of being aware of this, Brooke Bollea is using the pseudonym of her washed-up, once-famous father, Terry "Hulk Hogan" Bollea in order to boost her own star quality, if any exists. (Hey hey hey HEY! Shame on you Hulk, watch your hand!) You see, not only is Ho riding on the balcony of the "my daddee yoostabee faymess" train, she also uses her bleached blonde hair and parades her skankaroo body around in next to nothing to leverage her "celebrity" status. Yuck. No, I won't give my time to a common dive bunny. But this girl is a freaking angel when compared to this....(cue Psycho violins)



5. Linda HoganI just threw up in my mouth a little. Okay...this woman is older than my own parents. Why is she dating someone younger than me? Granted, they're both adults and they can do as they wish, but come on! Well, then again, I don't suppose either one can do any better. This woman likely spent her young adulthood skanking around, so she doesn't have any real qualities a woman her age should have. So she has to stretch her youth for as long as possible: the bleached hair, the fake tits, the tan, the twentysomething clothes. Sadly, Mrs. Ho is not stretching very well. There are plenty of women who can stretch their youth (Alley Mills is a good example). But this woman's stretching is akin to silly putty; making an already bad product worse. Please, for the love of Jebus, take your teenager-gallivanting elsewhere! It's like picturing someone's dear, sweet grandma with a scaling tan and a string bikini!

6. Miley Cyrus

Unbelievable. I do a google image search for this girl (not woman, not even young lady----girl), and what did I find? Myspace slut-like pics (none nearly as tasteful as this pic here)! I did not post it here, because frankly, I don't put on a show for pedos. Prostitot aside...when will this ridiculous Hannah Banana Montana Alabama fad end?! Even Lizzie McGuire didn't last as long! I honestly think that she may have had the favor (and pleasure) of fading into obscurity if it weren't for her lunkhead, hillbilly father riding on her coattails. For those of you who are lucky not to be old enough to remember, Billy Ray Cyrus is the cretin responsible for the awesomely bad "Achy Breaky Heart." And it spawned a dance fad! Thank goodness it was only a one-hit wonder. But I digress; most of the sane world had forgotten about "Achy Breaky" until this simpleton came along! Fortunately, I have never watched a "Hannah Montana" episode nor have I heard any of her songs. But I can't escape her! She's on TV! The Internet! Lunch Boxes! Bed sheets! What next? Hannah Montana tampons? Hannah Montana douche? ("Feel that Montana breeze!") And we all know that "30 is the new 20," so it's going to take decades before we can get rid of her! But, in all seriousness, I do have something to say: You're still young, and you do have potential. Please don't go the way of Parasite Hilton or Lindsay Lohan. You are annoying, but you can do better.

7. Pete Wentz
Oh, god. "Dewchebaggery" at its finest. Pete, first of all, you look like a big toe. You dress like a 14-year-old girl. You make your money by stealing the thunder of the lead singer of your crappy band (whose name you stole unoriginally, by the way, from The Simpsons), pretending to be emo (which is pretty stupid to begin with), and wearing more makeup than a French prostitute. Tell me, young man, what do you have to say for yourself? What do you think you've accomplished that makes you so special? Ohhhhh. Now I get it. You knocked up and eventually married an equally untalented lip syncer who happens to be riding the coattails of her dumb-as-a-squash-with-a-butt-chin sister! Wow! Good for you! Congratulations! You make me sick.

Trust me, there are plenty more people I'd love to add to this list. Some of you may be asking, "Why not include Sarah Palin?" Well, most of the world has already expressed their opinion of this waste of a human being, and she's not worthy to grace my blog. Not now, anyway ;)

Now that I've gotten the ugliness out of the way, let's take a moment to recognize those who have earned my respect :)

1. Seth Rogen

~*sigh*~ Quite possibly, one of the coolest men on the planet! Yes, his films are hilarious, notably, Superbad. But to really appreciate his work, one must look past the crude humor and see the story. You can tell that the heart is there. And even if you can't, who cares? How many of you can say that you've written a successful script by age 15? And, as superficial as it sounds, he's a hottie! The softer side is always more attractive! Nobody wants to make love to a washboard! Ack---losing myself. Anyway, Seth, you're great :) Just thought you should know!

2. John Waters

This man completely rules. I've enjoyed his films since I was 5 (starting with Hairspray, of course! I didn't get into his earlier works until I was MUCH older!), and I will likely enjoy his work until I die. Hey, I'll even enjoy his work while I'm burning in Hell! His earlier work, such as Pink Flamingos, Female Trouble, and Polyester went in directions that most directors won't even touch, even in 2008. And even though The Great John Waters is in his 60s, it won't stop him from enjoying life and having fun! Even though his modern films are much, much tamer than his earlier films, they still have that Baltimore Waters charm. My words won't do it justice; I advise you to see his movies to see what I mean. John Waters, you rule.

3. George Carlin

Okay, my intent for this entire blog was to include only the living, but I'm sorry, I cannot leave out the genius that was George Carlin. He was a success in his own right, telling the world what he really thought and not giving a shit if anyone was offended. He was funny because he was right. And morons like Bill O'Rubmybelly just didn't get it. He and Bill Hicks were the great ones. Yes, their words and their gift of laughter live on, and I hate to sound greedy, but couldn't it have lived a little longer? Why George Carlin? Why not the congealed mass of stupid that is Dane Cook? George Carlin: RIP, Rip 'em In Pieces! If Fred "Skeletor" Phelps is right about Carlin burning in Hell, I'm sure he's giving Satan some laughs :)

4. Dennis Kucinich

My dream politician. Someone who is concerned about animal rights. Someone who sees the unnecessary danger of firearms. Someone who sees how absolutely ridiculous the War in Iraq is. Someone who wants to bring back the Fairness Doctrine. Someone who supports same-sex marriage. Someone who is in favor of the access of healthcare for all citizens. Someone who actually gives a damn about the people he is serving! We could have had the swell pleasure and pride to call this man our president, but sadly, the American people aren't ready. Not just conservatards, but liberals as well. And you know what, that's okay. It would be a bit of an adjustment, considering the 8-year fuckcluster we just lived through. If (hopefully when) Obama takes office, it will take us on a nice transition to a better America. If America is supposed to be the greatest nation on Earth, the most envied, the richest, etc., then why do so many aspire to live in Canada, England, France, or elsewhere? If you want your taxpayers to stay and represent your country in the way it deserves to be represented, you've got to give them their due.

Believe me, there are plenty more people I admire, and I'd love to include them, but I'll save it for another time. I'm a little beat, and a few people are dying to see this blog. Again, I apologize for my sabbatical, but I'll be back very soon. Mwahaha. Ha.