Various Gripes

Meh. This post is nothing particularly special. I'm just going to find various things to write about.

1. Totino's Pizza


This has got to be, without a doubt, the nastiest, most foul "food" ever to come to fruition. The crust tastes like puffed Play-Doh, and the cheese tastes like vulcanized rubber. I don't give a shit if they're only 97 cents! They're that cheap for a reason: because they suck. A mule penis! Personally, I prefer to make my own pizza by using pizza dough mix (only about $1-$2), pizza sauce (anywhere from $1-$4), and various toppings. But of course, I understand that time is of the essence. I recommend Tombstone or Red Baron if frozen pizza is a must. Stay away from this....this...hell, I can't even think of a good name, it's so disgusting. But if you're like a dear friend of mine and you eat one, your ass and your porcelain throne will become the best of friends, because you will have the chunky monkey squirts for hours. You have been warned.


2. Kool Moe Dee

One of history's coolest rappers. That's all.


3. Tim and Eric

I don't think I have ever hated two people as much as I hate these clowns. I admit, I did enjoy their show "Tom Goes to the Mayor" on Adult Swim. I still do sometimes. But then they had to abandon a good thing to make the insidious, nonsensical, moronic mess that is "Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job!" Of course, the term "awesome" is subjective. I do not feel subjected to agree that this show is awesome. Just watch it once (if you can make it for the entire show) and see what I mean. It's just irritating, the jokes make no sense, and it's just bad. It's suited for either unemployable, 30-year-old potheads or mopheaded 14-year-old Xbox fans. I gave it a chance. Many chances, in fact. And I have not smiled or laughed once. A few times I have sighed of frustration or sneered at the...jokes? Are they jokes? I hate to say it, but this show makes the new episodes of Family Guy seem like genius, which is saying a lot, because the newer Family Guy episodes are a fucking waste of brain cells. But I have to hand it to Tim and Eric: making millions by doing practically nothing constructive. They make it look so easy.


4. R. Kelly

So...this guy commits statutory rape, and all of a sudden he is a martyr and a legend in the R&B world. Yet Roman Polanski and Woody Allen, who used poor judgment, but did not take it as far as R. Kelly, never regained the celebrity status of their past. Damn shame.


5. Chris Brown and Rihanna

God, STFU about it already! I don't know exactly what went down, nor should I. This is a highly personal matter. All I know is that the publicists for Chris Brown and Rihanna should be fucking ashamed. Domestic violence is a serious matter, and shouldn't be used for exploitation or to enhance celebrity status. And as such, I will not be paying any more attention to this matter, nor will I be buying anything that has to do with either of these two. Just as well; I prefer indie artists, anyway.


6. Bristol Palin/Levi Johnston

Wow. This blessed union-to-be will never be. Nobody is more shocked than I. Really. I mean, if you find your high-school sweetheart and get knocked up by him before the age of 18, then that's a sure stronghold on your relationship and your future. Not to mention that adoring look that Levi gives his glowing bride-to-be. Could he be any more in love with her? I just...I didn't expect it. I really thought this was a match to be reckoned with.

Ha. NOT! Good luck, children, you will definitely need it. And Bristol, please be so kind as to keep your death-hungry lunatic of a mother the fuck out of our public eye. She is a waste and we don't need her.


And...yeah.